Get back up AGAIN

I have been fighting writing this post. I thought maybe a Facebook post would suffice BUT I keep feeling a nudge. SO here we go…..

THIS YEAR HAS BEEN HARD! Have you had one of those? Maybe not this year,  maybe it’s a year you’ve overcome but remember in vivid detail sometimes.

Funny thing about my hard time was that aside from a few moments that crumbled me and left me on the floor in the dark with my phone turned off for a few days, I could do my day to day with confidence and purpose. BUT then the end came and it wasn’t what I thought it would be! I didn’t feel like I thought it would. I thought it would free me to get back to myself, but it has only driven me further away. I think in the throws of it, I didn’t allow myself to feel it, BUT NOW I can’t seem to escape it. ALL the things I couldn’t feel before now rush over in waves.

I pray that makes sense. I just feel like I am struggling in life, trying to get back to who I know I am and my purpose but FEAR! Perfect love cast out fear (1 John 4:18), His Word says it’s true and I am trying to get there!

This past week was difficult, especially when all you can articulate to the ones you love is “I’m struggling. I just can’t shake it.” Did you know people that love you wanna help fix things and it frustrates both of you when you don’t know how to fix it.

WELL there is H O P E. His name is Jesus. What I thought was a mistake on my part by overbooking myself, God worked out to His glory (like always) and used it to start bringing me out of this funk!

God has brought me the MOST amazing people through an ESSENTIAL OIL company! He really can use anything! StressAway calmed my “cray”and I happened into an accidental business. A “business’ that has brought me over 300 people I didn’t know a couple years ago and turned them into family! So thankful!!!

A sweet, new friend asked me how I was! I overshared! I felt safe and released to. She listened. She encouraged. She loved. She sought God on my behalf! I am so thankful for God’s people!

The next day I was facing a 3 hour drive each way to go meet some more new friends and Young Living family! God always uses my time in the car to minister. I found the tears flowing. I found Him giving me the words I couldn’t find myself. I knew He saw me. There is nothing like knowing in a world of around 7.6 BILLION people ALL of whom God sees and loves, He chose to join me in my car and minister as only He could.

I am still working through all the stuff. I am still rebuilding my confidence. I am still going about my purpose. I am determined to let fear produce MORE faith. I am determined to fake it until I make it. I am determined to let my heart reshape my mind. I am determined to be better for it. I believe that God uses all things. I am determined that it the end even this will glorify God. I KNOW that He works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to HIS PURPOSE (Romans 8:28). AND I am believing and waiting with an expectancy for the day when it all makes sense, even if it’s on the other side of glory!

So if you can relate at all, know I am praying for you! I don’t need details-God is a God of details and He knows. I pray you know you are LOVED! You are cherished! You are highly sought after! You are worth dying for and someone did, JESUS. He came so that you could have life and have it more abundantly (John 10:10)

This song gave me words I couldn’t speak and spoke to me over and over! I pray it does the same for you! God gives us permission to feel ALL the feels, just don’t dwell there! Seek Him and let Jesus be a healing balm! Isaiah 61:1 NKJV

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound”

Author: jessicalederer

I was saved by Grace in my mid 20's while pregnant with my 3rd child. I have found favor in His sights and have had more than I ever could have imagined in my wildest dreams added to me. I am completely content in this season of life but live with an expectancy of seeing the LORD move mightily in it! I live for my Savior, husband, and children and was finally able to find myself in the midst of it all!

2 thoughts on “Get back up AGAIN”

  1. My dear dear Jess…you spoke to my heart and something hit me this morning…you said, “I pray that makes sense. I just feel like I am struggling in life, trying to get back to who I know I am and my purpose but FEAR! ” First off, you are absolutely right the spirit of fear is not from the Lord. So when we feel anxious and fearful we need to cast that off and immediately ask God for peace, peace glorious peace. Second, when you said I am trying to get back to who I know I am…I thought to myself maybe the struggle really is that God has changed you…really changed you!! He allowed you to go through the struggle and doing so brought you to the other side and you are no longer the same. So move forward , stronger and absolutely amazing! Don’t hold on to the past but move forward, day by day! Praise Jesus and thank Him for bringing you through the storm….and wait patiently for Him to speak life back into you…bigger and better then ever before!!!! On a side note I think you are incredibly amazing , and am so thankful for your friendship in my life:)

    Like

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