My BIGGEST momma fear

Y’all this fear has recently taken root! A fear that is super hard to be dispelled. A fear that presents itself as TRUTH! A fear that one may never even be able to shake and can falsely shape the lives of my kids. A fear that each of us has to make a mental choice to overcome, forgive, take accountability for, and move past. A fear that can make you doubt so many things in life. A fear that can make you question everything.

THIS FEAR IS PERCEPTION!!

Not so much the perception of what others think of me BUT rather the perception my kids will think is truth. The definition of perception as defined by Merriam Webster is…

Definition of perception

1a :a result of perceiving :observation
b :a mental image :concept
2obsolete :consciousness
3a :awareness of the elements of environment through physical sensation 

  • colorperception
b :physical sensation interpreted in the light of experience
4a :quick, acute, and intuitive cognition :appreciation
b :a capacity for comprehension
SO why is this my fear. BECAUSE it is something we make. We take all of our experiences and memories and they shape our perceptions of what’s going on around us and shape the perceptions of people.
perception 1
A morning a couple weeks ago at MOPS brought this to my forethought and made me really plan on being intentional in my prayers. So what happened, THIS happened….
We are doing a Bible Study from the Cameron’s called The Heart of Family and a question in the 3rd session (Forgiveness and Joy) somehow got us talking about how we want our children to remember us and about wanting to them to remember us as JOYFUL!
SO Jess, why did that hit you so hard and get your brain turning? Well, one of my sweet friends shared a memory of her momma! She remembered her momma as always being tired and said how she worked a lot. YEARS later she remembered her momma as being tired! That was her perception! What I gleaned from her talking was that her momma was tired from working. She was tired because she was working. She was working because it helped her give her family the best she could. My perception and my friend’s perception were different.
SO it got me thinking about my own past and judgements I had made about my own family. Their truth is different than mine. My perception of my past may be completely wrong! What I perceive and the REAL intentions could be sooooooo DIFFERENT.
I started to translate that into my own parenting! I know my intentions towards my babies BUT what if they perceive differently! What if the time I am taking to write this post is seen as me valuing my “work” more than them. Let’s be real they are asked to be quiet or go away so I can get things done as fast as possible SO I can get back to them! What if they only remember me screaming and that’s their perception of their childhood. What if they remember their upbringing as constantly having to pick up and do schoolwork because we homeschool. Are we having enough FUN and making enough memories outside of of the daily grind with them? What if they think I am always so busy doing for others and don’t see the servant-hood I am trying to teach them.
perception
Y’all my BIGGEST fear is that the perception of who I am and their childhood will differ from my HEART AND the REAL INTENTIONS of my heart. I am literally in tears over the thought. I have some strong feeling of my own upbringing and familial relationships, what if I have it all wrong! If I am being honest I am certain I have quite a bit wrong and we may never truly know the magnitude! What if I am so hardened in my perception people stop trying.
perception 2
WHEW!! That’s a lot! I don’t have any answers but I am trying to be INTENTIONAL about helping their perceptions match up with my heart! HOW?? Here’s a few ways….
  • TELLING THEM and TRYING to make sure my actions match up
  • PRAYER, asking God to soften their hearts towards mine
  • Taking moments to make the memories I want them to have
  • ASKING them what they think!
  • USING ALL THE YOUNG LIVING CEDARWOOD….google it
  • REALLY using all oils for emotional support!!!!

Do you have any wisdoms or thoughts? I would love to hear them!!

Author: jessicalederer

I was saved by Grace in my mid 20's while pregnant with my 3rd child. I have found favor in His sights and have had more than I ever could have imagined in my wildest dreams added to me. I am completely content in this season of life but live with an expectancy of seeing the LORD move mightily in it! I live for my Savior, husband, and children and was finally able to find myself in the midst of it all!

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